Sunday, December 31, 2017

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It's the last day of 2017, it's lunch time, and I only got to sit down and write right now. I've been meaning to write down my thoughts lately even though my time has been consumed with meeting dear people and doing my chores, but I'm glad I have time now!


It's very cliche to say that the year has had its ups and downs, but no words could be truer than that. I think there are many things, or at least something that we should learn from each year that comes to pass. 

Waiting Well

The beginning of this year was filled with much hope and waiting. I was a fresh graduate looking for a job, and I was completely thrown out of my comfort zone. No schedules, no syllabus, no professors, no academic calendar, just me and how I managed my time. This was when my patience was tested and my idealistic-self was held down to the ground. It's a tough world out there and getting rejected and rejecting others multiple times was something new to me. But as time went on, I became aware of a number of things. 

The time I spent waiting allowed me to discover things about myself. Things I liked, and things I disliked. Somehow during that time, I saw more of myself that I disliked. Haha! But as imperfect and weak as I am, it all the more made me realize God's greatness, His timing, and His best. I have to admit that I started feeling a bit of despair and although it is perfectly normal to feel so, I did not want it to end that way. If we always want the easy way out, would it be good for us in the long run? If we acted upon impulse, would it be the best for us? We don't know what's best for us after all. Only God knows. 

Those months were actually spent for preparation for what lay ahead. I believe what I desired was withheld from me so I could cherish it more. So I could trust Him more. I am also thankful that I was surrounded by people who prayed for me, how through them, I learned the importance of praying continuously, even if it meant pouring out all my frustrations. 

And eventually, at the right time, it did arrive. And it was more than I could ask for. 

Adjustments

The second half of the year was the complete opposite; it was filled with new challenges everyday, including adjustments, and especially with choosing how to spend my energy. Most days I found myself depleted and wanting to sleep right away. It meant less time for the things I used to enjoy doing such as exercise, painting, and whatnot. But then eventually I was able to adjust, to force myself awake and to make myself busy with what I liked to do most. In the end, it wasn't because I lacked time, but it was because of the energy I had.

This transition in my life also involved acquiring more responsibilities. These seemed to be daunting at first, but these are things that you can grow into eventually. As they say, it becomes second nature to you. I don't if this is considered 'adulting' as many people have coined this term, me included.. but I intend to do my best at this too whether it may be a big or small task. 

The Ber months have been especially eventful, as I attended life events that I never expected I'd be able to take part in. It simply caught me by surprise, as they all occurred one after the other, especially with new people. But I'm thankful for such experiences, and for great people to be around with. These are people I know who can help me grow to be better professionally. 

Pause

These were the times when I went to camp in Baguio, and also when I spent some time at the beach in Catanduanes. These were much needed moments for me to refocus and to reflect on how life's been going. Growing up isn't always pleasant. There are times when I question myself whether I'm doing it right. There are also many times when I battle my own thoughts. It's never easy, but pausing once in a while and evaluating myself helps a lot!

This was the year that I began to be more self-aware with taking care of myself and with being braver with trying out new things. Each action and decision requires a pause, each time to care for myself requires reflection and really sitting down and be still.

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For me, these are the main themes that circled around my mind for days now. I have to admit that I haven't necessarily mastered them well or anything, but these are just the main things I've learned, and I think I should continually work on. 

This coming year, I just pray and hope to be braver and wiser. After all, we don't always have to wait for the new year to change, or to start something new. Every day is an opportunity to do so, every day is a gift and a blessing to experience God's goodness in our lives regardless of what situation we find ourselves in. 

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